meladoodle:

*at job interview* Oh yes, my criminal record? The only thing illegal I’ve done is absolutely KILLIN it on the dancefloor. Haha, just kidding! I have killed a man

meladoodle:

nothing pisses me off more than the fact that 90% of women’s jeans have non-functioning pockets but baby clothes have proper pockets? what are babies carrying around that i’m not? baby wallets? fuck off

"And you taught me what this feels like.
And then how it feels to lose it.
And you showed me who I wanted.
And then who I wasn’t.
And you ticked every box.
And then drew a line.
And you weren’t mine to begin with.
And then not to end with.
And you looked like everything I wanted.
And then became something I hated.
And you get thought of every day.
And then not in a good way.
And you let me leave.
And then wish I’d stayed.
And you almost killed me.
But I didn’t die."

I Wrote This For You (via wordsthat-speak)

(via wordsthat-speak)

shychiaichi:

when ur in a bad mood but dont want to worry your friends

image

(via thefancytuna)

  • me at home: i've been wearing the same jeans and band shirt for the last three weeks but it still smells alright so i'll keep wearing it
  • me going away: I NEED ONE SHIRT FOR EACH DAY AND EXTRA IN CASE IT GETS DIRTY AND THE SAME AMOUNT OF JEANS AND SOCKS ACTUALLY NO I'LL NEED EXTRA SOCKS IN CASE IT FLOODS AND DOUBLE THE UNDERWEAR IN CASE OF DISASTER AND ONE NICE OUTFIT IN CASE I GET INVITED TO TEA WITH THE QUEEN